Have You Ever Paid For It?

Some amusing responses here.

"My mate hates when I tell this story... Lets refer to him as M. We were in Amsterdam and he went in to see a hooker, a very pretty girl from Birmingham,there had to be one (cat deeley exception). However having drunk quite a lot of strong Dutch lager he decided he needed the toilet before doing the deed. The conversation went something like this..M. Have you got a toilet I can use?Pro. No but for another 40 euros you can piss on me.M. Looks in wallet.. Looks at whore, looks in wallet again, MMM OK. M. Deed done, as he walks out she's stood mopping the floor, so he turns round and says "call me".Comes outside tells us all the story and adds, didn't think I had enough money to tell her I needed a shit!"

Ahhhh those Dutch girls can be so accommodating.

"Great place, with Dolly Dollars and fantastic birds. Especially when one of them get on the motorbike! 10 / 10 for totty.Def worth a visit if you are in Hamburg."

What exactly does she do on the motorbike?

"A friend of mine got out of prison after a six month stint. Following rather a few beverages, me and other friend decided he probably needed to unload himself a little.So, off we trot to the red light district and a lovely young lady approaches. Give our mate the required £40 off he trots. Only to re-appear about 10 minutes later, claiming: "I couldn't do it lads. She's got tits like me mums.".Hmmm."

Obviously does not have an oedipal complex.

"It was bad so I asked for my money back and she spat a whole load right in my eye!I am now called 'Cum Eyed Jack'"

A lesson there for all of us, don't piss of a lady of the night with a mouthful of jizz.

"...Those cocktail umbrellas's down the jap's eye to scrape the clap out are bloody sore"

And apparently you pay more to go bareback, obviously in more ways than one.

"Is an absolute filth bag. On his year off, he managed to find himself in some town in columbia - fancying a shag(as you do), he decided to proposition a few whores....Waving the five dollars he has to his name in their faces. They all point in one direction. Once at said location the whore in question politely turns around, offering our friend "the back door". Winner- haway the lads! Now our friend contends that he went for the reacharound before insertion but we think he went through with it, then found the meat-and-two-veg, cracked the bloke, and grabbed his five dollars back and then went on unsuccessfully to find a new "lady". Notably he got chased by the pimp the next day.....Oh how we all laughed.."

Remember to get what you pay for.

"Not me but a colleague of my brother in laws decided that him and another friend would get a couple of prostitutes in after a night on the piss. Thumbing through the visiting massage section of the local rag they came across (no pun) a look a likey service so they ordered Jordan and Paris Hilton. A couple of hours later after the beer was wearing off there was a knock on the door and brother in laws colleague went to answer it. The following conversation ensued after answering the door:Bro in laws colleague "Can I help you?" "Whore ,"You ordered a massage" Bro in laws colleague "Who are you meant to be". Whore 1 "I'm Jordan!". Bro in laws colleague to whore 2 "Then who the fuck are you meant to be? I ordered Paris Hilton." Whore 2 "I am Paris Hilton." Bro in laws colleague, "More like Peter fucking Shilton, get inside"

Peter Shilton, esteemed English goalkeeper.

Don't cold call, unless yoou have a video phone.

"£40 for a soapy tit wank.Got a receipt and everything"

He is obviously putting it on his expense account.